Cats Got the Tongue

I am good.

Those three words elicit in me so much confidence, it might be considered over the legal limit. I try not to be cocky, but, well, let's be honest. If you know me, I joke about my cockiness often, and like I said before, joke's are half-truths. But, there's nothing wrong with being confident. 
Back in High School (did I just capitalize that? Sure did!), I was walking away from a football game once--in the dark--and I heard a voice from behind yell, "Tyler! Slow down!" I had no idea who it was. I slowed down, but didn't turn. Again, "Tyyyyyyyler!"
I turned around and saw who was calling my name. I chuckled and asked the girl how she knew it was me. "It's the way you walk. You walk with confidence."
I've been complimented often about my air of confidence. People always notice, and some have been turned on by it. You know the ones. And, usually, I'm really good about the whole facade.
But the problem with an air of confidence, is that usually, that's all it is: air. Hot air. Thin air. Good old fashioned air. Good for breathing, good for wifi, and good for flying really fast in. Yep. Air.
Don't get me wrong, I like breathing! And I like feeling confident, or at least convincing others that I am, because it really helps you accomplish great things. But when it's one of the many masks you wear, sometimes you can get knocked off of your feat and all of that confidence comes crashing down, shattering like glass in a Hollywood movie. 
(Pause for the image of glass crashing all around some generic Ethan Hawke-like actor looking up at light. Maybe even pan around him, Matrix-style, as the glass is bouncing back up. Use your imagination, that's what it's there for.)

I always hated this feeling. When somebody knocked me off the confidence ladder, I immediately felt insecure. I couldn't speak. I hated it.

Then suddenly, as your confidence builds back up and you're flying high, somebody comes and knocks you down hard. You stumble over the simplest phrases. You make awkward moves. You freak out and start planning everything in your head: "I should say this in this order and then she might do this and I'll then have the perfect opportunity to not make a fool of myself." But something's different. You still make a fool of yourself: but you're not freaking out. They've done something not many succeed at doing. They take you out of comfortable, yet you don't complain.
One day, you hope to say the things you planned on saying. One day, you hope that your confidence will rise again. But for now, for one small moment, you are okay being stripped bare . 

After all, I always liked being naked.


  1. Tyler I have this same problem. In the past I couldn't understand what the problem was. I thought everyone was as confident as I am and if they weren't they could just decide to be. Which is partially true. But really you are just born with it.

    Don't be ashamed of your confidence. People think I'm arrogant or jerky when I'm really not. I love people. But I am just so sure of myself that people think I have some deserve level.

    I've always been an optimist and an idealist. It can be hard to carry the leadership, happiness role on your shoulders and you should have time to relax and be in the background every once in awhile. But don't ever let someone make you waver in who you truly are. We all have our moments of insecurity and yeah we might make fools of ourselves. But you know you know who you really are. Its not your fault you kick total ass.

  2. I agree with Chelsi... often people look down on those who are confident because they don't like tjemselves. They try and drag down those of us who like who we are. I love that you know who you are and you NEVER waiver, no matter who you are with or what they say. Stay strong Ty ;-)

  3. I may be misunderstand a bit here, but I really appreciate your comments! Mostly, this certain person is affecting me in ways that in any other circumstance, I wouldn't be alright with. But this is something else, I'll tell you what! :)

  4. Deep... and completely makes sense. I don't often agree with you, but surprisingly you are completely right. Don't let that go to your head!!

    I am glad that she makes you feel like that. It is not easy to open yourself, become vulnerable, and push yourself out of your comfort zone. It is, however, no doubt worth it. I am even more glad that she as succeeded, in making 'uncomfortable' feel okay. I am happy for you.

    P.S. I hope your nakedness is figurative...

  5. Haha, I love the fact that Max agrees with you. You know you are on to something if you two agree on it.

  6. Max: no, I love being naked.