Apologies are in order for the shoddy (read: lack of) writing for the past two months.
For those of you in the know, I've just returned from a long backpacking trip through Europe. It was definitely one of the most fulfilling adventures I've been able to do, and I knew when I was flying home and actually felt that home is where I needed to be, that it was an exceptional trip.
One of the most liberating things I have experienced is the opportunity to simply think and reason with yourself. Often times, this only happens to me when I travel. Makes sense, really, since between the new cultures, the languages, and the loneliness, you really have to become okay with being around yourself. I feel fairly confident that most people I know have not reached that level of self, and most of us are simply working on it.
As for myself, I appreciated the chance to get to know myself better, and to accept my weaknesses as weaknesses and my strengths as opportunities. For me, this is like a new leaf. I'm not sure that the bud is visible to many people, but I feel it in my core. I have never feared change, except in myself, but that's simply unacceptable now. Change is in order.
In quantum mechanics, we talk about a particle having multiple properties simultaneously until we seek to examine it. Once we examine it, we force the particle to assume singular properties. For example, a particle is said to have both positive and negative spins, until we look at it, at which time the particle will have either a positive or a negative spin. (The more adventurous of you have heard of Schrodinger's Cat--same thing.) This blows people's minds, but it's fundamental.
I feel as though I've finally taken the moment to observe myself. I have forced myself to come out of a multi-state and take upon the properties which are me. Now, I can manipulate them for better.
I am moving forward.